The miracle of Jesus feeding a large crowd is recorded in all 4 gospels. I wonder, what is the background behind this story? Did the boy’s mother force him to give up his lunch? Did he not like his lunch, or was it drummed into his head to share? I guess we will never know.
We see this equation happen all throughout Scripture: a person takes that step of faith, belief, or trust, and God steps in and makes the miraculous happen. It happened with Moses, when he said he didn’t feel comfortable speaking; Mary, when she did not understand how she would or could give birth to Jesus; David, when Saul’s top notch battle equipment didn’t fit him. And then this boy who gave up his lunch: I love that Jesus used a child in this situation. Children teach us so much.
That is what I want to encourage you with: to take that first step and God will make the miraculous happen.
When my husband and I found out we were pregnant, we were over the moon. I felt so blessed to have the privilege to be pregnant and to be a mother. I remember those first few weeks with my son. I would just hold him and stare at him. I know every mom says this, but I have never in all of my life seen something so beautiful. (For the record, my daughter is also so beautiful.) My little boy’s entire face (it seemed) were these gorgeous dark blue eyes with long eyelashes that no beauty store could create. He was so stunning that some people even asked me if he was a girl!
I’m not going to lie, those days were rough in some ways. It was very evident that my son was uncomfortable, itchy, and not happy. He was a poor sleeper and eater. We took him to the pediatrician and explained this to him, and he recommended a G.I. visit. The G.I. doctor put him on meds which seemed to help. My son’s eating and sleeping improved somewhat. However, I was not fully certain that everything was ok. I’ve always been a “nervous Nellie” and everyone told me to calm down and to relax, but deep down I knew something wasn’t right.
At around 10 months of age, my son stopped gaining weight. I brought this to the attention of the doctor and he told me to take him for a sweat test and a blood test. The sweat test had him tested for Cystic Fibrosis—which was negative. Thank God!
It was the blood test that gave us answers.
I don’t remember exactly how this happened, but I saw paperwork that said my son’s name, his D.O.B., and that his status was considered “failure to thrive”. This shattered me completely. I took this as a death sentence for my child. I was devastated.
I understand now that the insurance company needs a code and a reason for the work-up, but–oh my goodness–can we please not use such severe language? Luckily, I was able to pull myself together and continue to search for answers.
The blood test confirmed that my son had multiple food allergies, and later we would learn through an endoscopy that he has a condition called E.O.E. where his esophagus becomes inflamed due to allergens. This requires much maintenance with diet, specialty care doctors, and yearly endoscopies.
I would love to tell you that I trusted God throughout this entire journey. However, Scripture tells us that we have an enemy that wants to steal, kill, and destroy. I started to wish that I was a nurse or had a better medical background. I must say that it was all very innocent. This thought played over and over again in my head. It made me feel inadequate, and eventually I felt like my son would be better off without me as his mother.
Thanks be to God, I was somehow able to find healing and to not let these destructive feelings evolve further and ultimately destroy me.
My son’s situation has not been easy at all. This has given me a new appreciation for medical personnel. They are some of the kindest and most understanding people on the planet. People ask me all the time, “How do you stay on top of this?” And I just laugh because I know the One who is filling in the gaps—giving me wisdom where I am lacking, helping me make appointments, and helping me find the best medical team for my son. God will do the same for you.
I do not know what you are going through. I encourage you to keep trusting God. Do not believe the lies from Satan. God lives inside us, and that means that all situations are possible with Him. Just like we see in the equation over and over again in the Bible: a human takes a step by faith, God fills in the gaps, and the miraculous happens. Maybe you need to take that first step of faith. Maybe like me, you are relying on yourself and are not looking to God to fill in the gaps. Or maybe you feel that your situation is too impossible. But you were put in your situation for a reason, just as I was, just as Moses, Mary, David, and this boy was. Keep believing, keep trusting, keep obeying.
